Who am I ? I am just a man with an opinion. And in my opinion it took a whole lot of meth to write this non-sense. Oz, Scarecrow and Dorothy. I am still trying to recover from the that awfully shitty performance of “Home” by Ashanti aka The Black Fran Drescher! Beware of anybody with an email address of a prepubescent high school boy. Seriously, let the waffle house styfle file begin. Can someone tell me who among us recessionistas can work on a show for free? He’s a maniac..maniac for sure!! You can not pay a light bill with a promise.

OZ,SCARECROW AND COMPANY SEEK SEXY DOROTHY (RADIO SHOW)
Date: 2009-09
Reply to: WILLZKILLZ@GMAIL.COM

KICK ASS RADIO SHOW WILL BE HAVING TRYOUTS THROUGHOUT THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER TO FIND DOROTHY(CAUSE SHES NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE)-AT THE MOMENT WE ARE GETTING FREE AIRTIME SO PAY IS NOT THERE UNTIL WE GET PICKED UP BY WYSP(WHO SAID IF WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH THEY WILL PICK US UP-HOST IS CONNECTED):REQUIREMENTS:YOU MUST BE A SEXY WELL SPOKEN FEMALE,HAVE A KNOWLEDGE OF HEAVY METAL AND PUNK MUSIC,AND NOT AN AIRHEAD!!!!!!THERE MAY BE NO PAY NOW BUT WE HAVE AN AWESOME CHEMISTRY THAT ANNIHILATES ALL THE OTHER RADIO SHOWS(BESIDES HOW MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE ON THE RADIO) MY NAME IS ED 856-426-2148 CALL FROM 8AM-12AM

* Location: RADIO SHOW
* Compensation: WILL BE LARGE IN THE FUTURE
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Phone calls about this job are ok.
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I thought this was a joke at first, then I read it again. I haven’t seen an ad this bad since they announced Ellen Degeneres was going to be lucky #4 on A.I. next season, (how dreadful) man suits and shout outs to Portia all season! It’s Atlanta so expect the casting call to look like “amateur” drag night.  Sorry Atlanta but after watching the horrendous model casting calls of He-ree and Lisa Wu Sweat on the Brokedown Bitches of Buckhead I am giving any talent from the ATL the side-eye.  You want your 6.5 minutes of fame.  Here you go!

VH1 and Lionsgate films Now Casting Scream Queens 2 (Atlanta, Nationwide)

Date: 2009-09
Reply to: job-XXXXX@craigslist.org

Are you an actress dreaming of a once in a lifetime shot at a career on the big screen? Do you have what it takes to handle intense one-on-one mentoring with a major film director? Would you like training from one of the most celebrated acting coaches in Hollywood? In short, are you ready to be a star?

VH-1, in association with Lionsgate (the studio behind such horror blockbusters as SAW and HOSTEL) is NOW CASTING beautiful, confident, tenacious, uninhibited actresses who are ready for stardom and will stop at nothing to get it.

Ten lucky women will be chosen to compete in the second season of VH1’s SCREAM QUEENS. One will win a breakout role in a theatrically-released Lionsgate horror film. Last year’s winner, Tanedra Howard, recently filmed a star-making turn in SAW VI, which hits big screens this fall. Will you be next?

Whether you are an experienced pro, or new to Hollywood, classically trained or a born performer, this could be your shot at greatness. If you are 21 or older, and appear to be between the ages of 21 and 30, have a competitive spirit, and are willing to put your talent, and your bigger than life personality on the line for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, then you could be crowned Hollywood’s next Scream Queen.

Please send a current headshot/photo, a link to your reel (if available – if not, don’t worry) AS WELL AS YOUR PHONE NUMBER!!! We can’t call you in for an audition if we don’t know how to contact you!!! PLEASE PUT “ATLANTA” IN THE SUBJECT LINE.

Auditions are currently in progress.

FOR MORE INFORMATION, PLEASE VISIT http://jokeproductions.com/SQ_2_Casting.html

Location: Atlanta, Nationwide
Compensation: TBD
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

The recession is real people. Apparently there is no shortage of crazy creative people on the Jersey Shore. One local cougar is ready to team up with a man of “any” race (crossing  color lines for $$$ *SMH )  for the new Jerry  Seinfeld reality show.  What she’s really looking for is a husband. I wonder how many young guys are going to try and hit it before auditions. Cause old brotha’s aren’t brave enough to email those kind of requests. Although, if she’s broke bold that means she’s competitive so go for it. You can count down the days til the competition gets that Final Destination treatment and you good sir are about to walk off with half a check. Of course surviving long enough for it to clear might be a problem too. A check is a check!

ACTRESS SEEKS TV SPOUSE (Jersey Shore)
Date: 2009-09
Reply to: job-xxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

Actress in forties seeks male to pose as husband for the new Seinfeld reality show casting now. Please be a good actor, over six feet and in mid late forties. Any race OK. Let’s Art some vandaLay and make some money in the process.

* Location: Jersey Shore
* Compensation: To be determined
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

I know…. a long weekend…and I am slipping, but today’s post is so damn ridiculous all will be forgiven! Two Girls One Cup part 2! Excuse …me! Forget about swallowing the shit, how awkward the sex will look? All of that boo boo anticipation building up, those awkward stares in the camera like you’re posing with a relative you can’t stand. Ewww and they are recruiting in Jersey!

No doubt the two girls will look like most girls from jersey, dark hair & Disney caricature face. Aggressive, tall volleyball shaped girls that break beer bottles in bar fights and kiss each other in Facebook pictures. Ashlee Dupree we’re looking for you!! My favorite part of this ad is the “free lunch” perk you’ll get after you eat your cup of “human waste”. Nothing like a roast beef sandwich and Natty light to clear your palette after a full day of shooting the shit! P.S. Kids eating FECAL matter on camera in the U.S. is illegal . TWO GIRLS ONE CUP PART DEUX (Jersey Shore)
Date: 2009-09
Reply to: job-XXXXXXXX@craigslist.org

Jersey Adult Film maker casting for Two girls one cup part deux. If you think you have the stuff to star in a feature adult film please respond with photo and why you would be good for this part. Must be willing to follow all director directions. Must be willing to do whatever it takes to fill production day. This gig comes with free lunch if you can keep it down. Must bring own cup.

* Location: Jersey Shore
* Compensation: $2500.00 per day and 5% of the gross and free lunch
* This is a contract job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Looking at the bed pan got you depressed? You ever feel so big you can’t get up to get your own food. Well never fear…this just in there is a service to help you. Fat Boy ‘s is looking for servers to take 8lbs of food at a time to customers in need. Must be smart ,compassionate and willing to “crack” a smile with diverse customer base of heavy, really heavy, obese and SUPER obese. Full service food truck stops frequently and services many. Are you ready for the challenge? PLEASE no self righteous super healthy people wanted. If we catch you soliciting our customers you will be dealt with! Flat stomach is plus patience is a must! What? The ad was cryptic and bare. I gave YOU all the details!! Don’t play shocked with me! Fat Boys’ Server (Mooresville, NC)
Date: 2009-09
Reply to: job-xxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

We are currently looking for a new server.
If you are interested please come in a fill out an application.

Thank you

* Location: Mooresville, NC
* Compensation: BOE
* This is a part-time job.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1359988806

gumball machine locators, NO SALES, $25 + hour (Oakland cty south)
Date: 2009-09
Reply to: job-xxxxxx@craigslist.org

Gumball Machine Locators wanted
NO SELLING NO CONTRACTS NO FEES

work 2 hours EARN $50

Gumball Machine Locators wanted NO SALES, NO CONTRACTS, NO FEES
We began this fundraising program in 2005. If you follow directions you will be successful

1 Email your name, phone number and area of Oakland County, MI s of M59 you
want to work in.
2 We will email you information you will need to present to local businesses.
3 Print 30 copies of the letter from DMC.
4 NEATLY PRINT, your first and last name on the bottom of every one of 30 copies
of letter.
5 Print copies of menu and machines page to show to business owners and
managers.
6 Go to businesses, offices in office buildings, stores, restaurants, factories,
warehouses
7 Ask only for business owner or authorized manager.
8 Hand owner or manager letter from DMC Children’s Hospital of Michigan
9 Ask to place a small 25 cent candy machine in their business for
DMC
10 We put machines in employee lunchrooms if they have at least 20 people working
that location.
11 We put machines in office buildings lunchrooms and offices
12 All machines are marked DMC
13 Call: 248 396 0396, we deliver the machines in 3 days and send you $25 EACH

Find 1-10 locations EARN $25 LOCATION September 2009
Find 11-19 locations EARN $35 LOCATION September 2009
Find over 20 locations EARN $50 LOCATION September 2009

If you follow directions, you will get 2 locations in 2 hours. You must be presentable and properly dressed. Shower, shave, wear clean clothes, business casual

SEPTEMBER 2009 BONUS
$100 TO THE FIRST PERSON WITH 10 MACHINES PLACED

August 2009 top locator Kwesi Willis with 12 locations
Kwesi does not have a car and does all his locatating through telephone calls.
10 locations @ $25 = $250, 2 locations @ $35 = $70

August 2009 second best locator (tie)Virginia Williams, Stephen Vargo 11 locations each

* Location: Oakland cty south
* Compensation: $25 EACH LOCATION, 11-19 locations $35 EACH, over 20 locations $50 EACH
* This is a part-time job.
* This is a contract job.
* This is at a non-profit organization.
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Phone calls about this job are ok.

Praise Tyra! This ad is almost as bad as watching the first or second season of Top Model. Even Tyrannosaurus Banks sucked back then. Damn, what a bigger budget can do. What does a receptionist that makes 50 dollar an hour do behind the desk in lingerie? No, I am not kidding. I am printing up a few of MY comp cards to send over right now! What was Wesley Snipes’ name in To Wong Foo! I’ll hit those pumps like like Jose Conseco and those steroids, daily! You think I am kidding? I’ve watched Miss Jay for 11 seasons and I am ready to fly! You think they’ll give me Sundays off for church? I’ll definitely need Jesus after a 9 hour shift full of hedonism. Lingerie Model & Poss Receptionist

Date: 2009-08
Reply to: job-xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org

What is this all about?

We are a local concern, with a number of web sites running. All the web sites feature young ladies wearing lingerie; some are pay web sites. We also market your pictures to other web sites.

How much do you pay?

The starting rate is $50 per hour. There are no up front fees, registation fees, maintance fees or anything like that. You work an hour, we pay you for an hour.

Is this full time or part time, and how many hours can I work?

It will be part time at first and we are willing to accomidate your schedule if you ae at school or such. The number of hours we can give you, depends on the response to your pictures. Some of the factors are beond our control and depends on if you have the right look, and how flexable you are in the type of pictures, you will let us take. We have people who have responded to our add and told us they do no want to wear lingerine. If this is your case, it kind of limits the number of hours, we can give you.

Do you have any other modeling work such as print or maybe catalog work for one of the big stores.

No.

What about the reception job?

The reception job pays $15 per hour, and in this case you wil be working out of our downtown office answering the phone and such. Normally, this position is available to a lingerie model so she can have steady income, while we are working with her to develop her modelling career.

If interested in these positions, drop us a line, telling us a bit about youself and we will take it from there.

Compensation: $50 per hour
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Holy Krabby Patties!   Who wants to be an assitant to a talent manager? Oh don’t you worry.  This job is going to be the job that gets you everything you ever dreamed of.  (Pssst… Michael Jackson’s hyberbaric chamber will be on Craigslist before the end of the long weekend.) Cause you’re gonna need whatever magic you can find to keep yourself looking young and feeling rested for THIS kind of fine opportunity. 

Assistant to Talent Manager at boutique (aka a small shit company with no real clients) management company in Beverly Hills. Starts mid-September, $500/week, non-negotiable. 9a-7p, Mon-Fri with one hour lunch.  Hmm…45 hours a week for 500 bucks is 11 dollars an hour. After tax you’re living the dream for 9 bucks an hour.  Pea….nut..Peanut butter and jelly is what you’re gonna be eating for lunch.   How many people’s jobs do you think you’ll be doing?  Let’s count….receptionist, IT person, video editor, reader, development assistant, driver,  marketing guru, and admin. Don’t forget you can’t smoke. You’ll have to start drinking at your desk early to handle all the office non-sense! Requirements: answering calls, tracking appointments, data entry, Mac proficiency, basic video editing, light script reading, phone pitching, occasional driving, some after-hours screenings and showcases. InEntertainment familiarity a plus. Industry experience preferred, strong organizational and multitasking skills required. Non-smoker. Submit resumes and cover letters to mngmtasst@gmail.com. 8/28

Morning folks!  The Grim Reaper has been working overtime on the celebrity front this year.  He may get some triple overtime for the last half of this year the way these job posts keep coming through.  The Internet has yet to fail to me. Employers are beginning to act like banks with that TARP money, a damn fool. There is always a seemingly infinite supply of  employers with outrageous demands and limited budgets, especially when it comes to wages. Today’s tight fist is Phil.  Phil wants you to be a marketing guru. He’s using  buzz words like;  “opportunity for growth” “search engine optimization” “creative marketing”. Phil bro, you forgot “must be good with social media” “Twitter, Facebook, & MySpace genius’ wanted”. What he didn’t forget to tell you is that this gig only pays $8.00 an hour and that if that’s not enough for YOU move on.  This is a damn internship! So much for company Happy Hour’s.  Who wants to get Phil some of those really special job candidates ? Welfare to work bulletin board we’ve got a new job post for you!  Oh, you don’t think I would?

marketing assistant
Date: 2009-08

This posting is for a full time position as a marketing assistant. THE PAY IS $8.00 PER HOUR
Responsibilities will include search engine marketing, Managing online content and landing pages, proactive monitoring of campaigns to maximize sales through optimization techniques and creative thinking. Great opportunity for students or recent grads looking to develop their online marketing skills and gain experience with a growing company. Please call us 323-851-3825 and then send us your resume. THE PAY IS $8.00 PER HOUR. IF THIS IS NOT ENOUGH MONEY FOR YOU PER HOUR PLEASE MOVE ON!!!
Thank you,
Phil
323-851-3825

Hiring Organization: Phil

* Location: LA
* Compensation: THE PAY IS $8.00 PER HOUR and 40 hours a week
* OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
* Phone calls about this job are ok.
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

Do you ever wonder if the person who wrote a job ad was drunk or just plain damn crazy? Lean in job seekers, this one screams, “Type A boss you might have to open up a can of whoop ass on.”

Exhibit A - “to work alongside of /answer directly to the owner of an established Internet company.” Who uses the term “answer to” other than a crazy person?

Exhibit B- “Must know the difference of what is expected out of an hourly employee vs. a salary employee.” That terrific line means, I don’t wanna and I am not gonna pay you overtime.  Damn, I am good!

Why do I get images of a fist full of pain pills and vodka martini’s all day?  And for someone seeking a doormat perfection, I am sad to see a CL post riddled with so many spelling errors. Blame it on the….aaaaalcohol baby!  Job seeker your position would appear to be housekeeper, house manager, administrative assistant, marketing assistant, business development, dog trainer and shoulder to cry on. Expect shitty pay!  I know.  “How do I know that?”  Anyone who isn’t straight forward about the salary is ready to low ball you. That or they’re gonna pull one of those “It’s a privilege and an honor to be working for me…” I can’t pay the Department of Water and Power with privelege!

You can bet your Monster.com profile they’re a pit bull in their home office.  The kind of boss that grimaces, flashing a a mouth full of cobblestone teeth and looking like they could use their breath for a molotov cocktail when you’ve screwed up.

Sham. Fucking.Wow!

PERSONAL & EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT NEEDED (Malibu, Topanga)
Date: 2009-08
Reply to: job-XXXXXXXXXX@craigslist.org

Seeking a Bright & Motivated Self-starter who is excited about the opportunity to work alongside of/answer directly to the owner of an established Internet company. The ideal candidate is someone who is looking to be the difference-maker while working in close proximity with the head of a fast-paced internet operation, one who is keen to observe and possesses the ability to integrate him/herself into the bosses daily life *while* finding a way to contribute & make a ‘bottom-line’ difference.

Routine duties range from grocery-buying, managing household bills, help care for dogs(take outside, to vet, etc), clothes to drycleaners, make travel arrangements, answering phones, errand running, oversee household projects, to more advanced help in the areas internet research, successfully tracking down the nonexistant, filing useless and useful forms, helping oversee implementation and/or execution of new endeavors & projects, and so on.

Only apply if you are qualified!

MUST’s:

• 2+ years experience
• Motivated, Self-Starter, Focused, Excellent follow through skills
• be dependable and trustworthy
• Ability to prioritize
• Excellent calendar management skills
• Strong knowledge of MS Office, including Word, Excel, PowerPoint, adobe (PDF files) and Outlook
• Experience scheduling travel arrangements for management
• Valid Ca Driver’s license and car insurance, dependable transportation
• Confidence
• Current knowledge of the internet
• Must know the difference of what is expected out of a hourly employee vs. a salary employee
• Must be prompt and efficient
• Positive attitude
• Excellent communication skills
• Excellent writing skills
• Ability to maintain process
• Love Dogs